There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
