Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
not ubering you a puppy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
