hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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