do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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