DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
