She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
