she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Vodka?
Forever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
