my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
