apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
