How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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