Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
