it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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