I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
