How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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