so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
