every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
