I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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