He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
