This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
