Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
