Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
