Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
