You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
