I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
