She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The best revenge is premature balding
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
