I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
