theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
