You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Found your dick twin last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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