sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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