brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
