Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
