im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
