i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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