why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
