K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
