I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
