I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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