your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
