when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
