I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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