My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
