I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize