okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
