Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Randomize
