I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize