Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
