Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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