everyone is single if you try hard enough
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize