I love black thongs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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