How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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