Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
