Don't you send me to vm
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
