Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
