Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
