Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we made out on top of his cat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
