There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
operation have a gay friend backfired
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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