Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
