just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
