My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
