After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
