So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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