Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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