she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
