It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
