so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
