My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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