I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
