great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
