I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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