wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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