oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
